Tribulations of a confused writer

I’ll confess, I’m in a bit of a pickle. Actually, I’m probably stuck, big time! I don’t know what to do with my book anymore. I ran out of love for my Love Project…

I’ll elaborate.

More than a year ago, after finding myself single for 6 years and desperate for a fulfilling relationship, I thought it was a good idea to write a book about taking control of my love life, to document the things I was going through and to share my findings with the world. My one year of studying, changing behavioral patterns, and getting out of my comfort zone eventually paid off. I have been granted a happy ending.

But I could have just as easily not have met anyone during the year of my search for love and I wonder who would have bought my book then? Probably no one! Why am I telling you all this? Because I took a huge gamble and spent months of waking up early in the morning to write before going to work, without ever knowing if it would ever going to amount to something or pay off.  But my motivation was there, somehow, being that single girl who felt it deep in her bones how important it was to find love kept me going. It motivated me to know that many others were just like me, yearning for connection, for a #makeupfree interaction with another human being, how much we needed that love and that it was in our power to get it. But somehow I’ve lost that motivation and I don’t know what happened…

First of all, I am no love expert. The more I know about it, the more books and blogs I read about relationships, the less  confident I feel to tell other human beings what works and what doesn’t. I guess it’s a personal journey, we all have our own mountain to climb. I don’t want to be a love expert, I just wrote about what I felt was important for me in my life at the time. Somehow I got lost trying to think how to best market this book. I found myself learning about the importance of the writer platform building to stand a chance to publish a memoir. Hmm, how do I build this platform? What if I became a love expert, and develop this cool blog, and post videos and stuff? If I get enough followers on Twitter, publishers will want to buy my book.

I’ve tried to sell the book to agents but the book is not ready.  I sent out the first chapters for people to read. It was like giving birth prematurely and then giving the foetus away. ’Here, have this bloody book. It’s all yours now, I’m done. You finish it for me!’ I’ve received lots of positive feed-back but the more I put the prematurely born baby out there, the more I felt like it wasn’t mine anymore. My motivation. Where was it? Does the world really need another book on love?

Meeting the man who is now in my life was a miracle, a pure strike of luck. I still think about it now actually. About that conversation I had with God one morning. ’God, You know I’ve been working really hard. I did things, I pushed myself, I challenged myself, I put myself out there, I started to love myself, I deserve to meet someone now. Why am I not? What am I still missing? Tell me, what have I still to learn that I haven’t? But if You think I’ve graduated this stage in my life, then will You please bring him to me? Because I have got nothing more to give… I’m giving up. For real this time…’ And he came into my life when I was so spent and so done with the whole Love Project thing. But you know what else I was? I was a better person because of it. Pushing myself for no reward other than the hope of finding love one day. It turned me into something else. It woken me up from a long coma. It resuscitated my soul. It helped me grow to the level I needed to grow to be a match for the person I wanted to be with.

I am no expert. I’m just someone who did something and decided to write about it. And now I want to see it through but since I’ve lost track of it, I don’t know where to start… I thought about turning it into fiction. Maybe it was easier to write about somebody else? But what would be the point? Wouldn’t it be just another soapy character? I want to give people hope, to tell people to trust life a bit more, to tell them that change starts with ourselves first. So I’m now trying to find love again for this deformed embryo, to give it some love and hopefully turn it into something good.

 Have you ever been stuck with your creative projects? What did you do to overcome it?